=================================== TODAY's COACH Your News and Information Source for the Coaching World Volume 2 Issue 3 August 2000 =================================== IN THIS ISSUE: 1. From the Editor 2. Let's Hurry Up and Relax 3. Identifying Passions is Key to Balance 4. Piercing Corporate Illusions 5. Balancing Work and Life: Redefining Success at Midlife 6. Balancing Who You Are and What You Do 7. What is Work/Home Balance? 8. Today's Technology Today 9. Today's Interesting Human 10. E-mail the Editor ------------------------------------ 1. From the Editor Welcome to our latest issue of Today's Coach featuring "Life and Work Balance." In a world of increasing technology and economic fervor many of us feel torn.....torn in many directions or, simply, torn apart. As successful as we may be, many of us are, simply, tired. Driving many of us to look even harder for that elusive balance in our lives. Read on and see what a number of experts have to say on the topic. Let us know what you think. We'd like to know how you stay balanced! Butch Farley ------------------------------------ 2. Let's Hurry Up and Relax! by Mimi Frenette Simplicity. Millions of Americans are striving to achieve it, often without much success. We cut back our expenses, throw away possessions we no longer need, and struggle to establish priorities. Yet nothing will really change for us unless we address a deeper problem - our addiction to speed. The idea of speed came to me while on vacation not long ago. We were sitting around the campfire one evening discussing how hard we all worked to be able to take time off and about the massive workloads that would be awaiting us upon our return. I felt as if I needed to "hurry up and relax." Just thinking about it made my heart beat faster and my mind race in anticipation. I realized how trained I was for speed. I am impatient with people who are not on time, with drivers who lazily react to the red light turning green, to people in the grocery line waiting until the last item is scanned before pulling our their checkbook. Most of us had the idea that all the new technological devices such as the Fax, E-mail, cell phones, and World Wide Web were going to save us time. But do they? Or do they make us feel more obligated to respond at a faster speed? Snail mail feels so slow! The pace of our lives has been cranked up to a level that would have been hard to imagine not too long ago. Generally, speed is viewed as a good thing. It is even heralded as the answer to our overly busy lives. Swamped by work? Get a faster computer. No time to read? Listen to books on tape while driving. No time to enjoy life? Purchase one of those devices that allow you to lose weight faster, cook faster, and even make money faster. I have always thought the faster I moved, the more things I could do and the more fun and meaning my life would have. But what am I missing at a deeper level? When I hear friends complain that their lives move too fast, they're not talking about disliking the notion of speed as much as a desire to spend moreof their time involved in slow, contemplative activities A balanced life is what people crave. I accomplish much in my life and I truly like the way it feels: the adrenaline, the brainstorming of ideas, and the crossing of things off my list. But when I leave work, I consciously try to slow down and do things that make me feel good like going for a walk, cooking dinner, or talking with friends. I've heard this referred to as "selective slowness." The key is to be able to focus on the proper rhythm, geared to what you are doing. If we can learn to shift our rhythms, to vary the pace of our lives, a new sense of peace will be the reward. How do you do that? Begin by slowing down and being aware of what is going on. Take a deep breath. Worried about the future? Focus on experiencing the present moment. Walking to work each day, or to appointments throughout the day, helps. Laughter, music, a change of environment, exercise, massage, any single one or combination of these is effective. When I start feeling resentful because of all the demands on my time, I stop and look at my choices. Is what I am choosing to do in alignment with the purpose that I have defined as supremely important and does it contribute in a meaningful way to the vision I have as a whole? If the answer is yes, then I lose the sense of being out of control, of time ruling my life, and I can relax. ~ ~ ~ Mimi Frenette Leading Edge Consulting Phone: (970) 247-5999 E-mail: mimi@eleadingedge.org Web site: www.eleadingedge.org ------------------------------------ 3. Identifying Passions is Key to Balance by Suzanne Kelsey I'm Suzanne Kelsey, a former college writing and literature teacher, and now a freelance teacher and writer. I offer seminars on passions and on how to join in on the Voluntary Simplicity movement. The following is a short discussion on how connecting with our passion can lead to a simpler, more balanced, and fulfilling life. My efforts to balance the work, family, and personal facets of my life have been influenced by the Voluntary Simplicity movement, which has gathered momentum in the last twenty years. The call of the movement is clear: many of us want a simpler, more graceful approach to balancing our lives. I have been equally influenced by a growing inner sense that reuniting with my own passions is also key to a better balance. Finding time for my passions has provided motivation and energy to simplify my work and family life. Because of my firm belief that reconnecting with passions is so important, I now periodically teach seminars to interested adults on determining their passions, abilities, and personality styles. Participants use the information to better align their work and personal lives with their authentic selves. I find that, with the help of co-workers, friends, and family, they readily identify their abilities. Examples of such abilities are administration, teaching, creative communication, supporting, and leadership. Participants also easily determine their personality styles, such as whether they are more introverted or extroverted and whether they prefer predictable structure or spontaneity. What continually surprises me, though, is the participants' inability to articulate their passions. They often struggle to sift through their daily work, family, and personal responsibilities in order to uncover their underlying passions. Many have so long operated in the realm of duty that they have virtually disconnected from their most fulfilling pursuits. Once they clear away the debris of duty, people begin to identify such passions as educating others, researching, "tinkering," being a part of a team, creating, helping people become financially solvent, generating ideas, working with the elderly, and many others. A woman who teaches a similar study told me she had seen businessmen weep when they realized they were operating completely from outside the realm of their natural passions and abilities. I too have watched peoples' lives transform. A banker finally admitted he was not the administrator his job needed him to be and returned to his passion of teaching. A 50-year-old judge surprised himself by uncovering his desire to write. A student, after realizing she was gifted in administrative skills, added a business administration minor to her academic pursuits. A grandmother finally acknowledged that her day job plus her continual care for beloved grandchildren was overwhelming her because she had no time for her passion of painting. An insurance salesman more fully recognized his deep satisfaction in working with foreign college students through a volunteer outreach program. Once adults reconnect with their passions, they are more likely to be motivated to simplify their work and personal lives, making room for these pursuits. Connecting with their passions energizes and rejuvenates them. People also become more aware of the tasks that sap their energy, and they naturally begin to eliminate or at least diminish them. They become more time-efficient in all areas of their lives. Occasionally, people decide to resign jobs if there are no outlets for the identified passions and abilities. More often, people restructure their jobs by reprioritizing to make more room for their passions on the job. If their passions are not work-related, people previously unhappy in their jobs sometimes begin to perceive their jobs differently. They may begin to see their jobs as important income sources for the pursuit of their avocations. Their work-for-pay becomes only one of several important roles they play. This identity shift--from a live-to-work to a work-to-live orientation--can carry tremendous freedom. Working through our passions and abilities helps strip the illusion that we're supposed to be everything to everyone, and instead, helps us simply stay true to ourselves. Our passions and abilities can serve as the compass for taking on what fits and discarding what doesn't. We can begin to live authentically, without facades, peeling away layers of pretending and layers of tasks, which drain us of time and energy. This compass helps us naturally simplify our lives, both at work and at home; helps us make important time for family and community; and delivers us back to who we are. For a fuller discussion of the Voluntary Simplicity Movement, see Suzanne's article, "Voluntary Simplicity: An Alternative to Prozac," which can be found online at www.troikamagazine.com by clicking on Troika Archives, Issue #23. ~ ~ ~ To contact Kelsey about leading a one- or two-day seminar for your business or group, e-mail her at SMPK@aol.com ------------------------------------ 4. Piercing Corporate Illusions by Steve Davis Linda Miller, owner of Interlink Training and Coaching LLC, specializes in training and coaching corporate executives. Because personal and professional life balance is often a challenge for them, we asked Linda to recount an example of her experience with a prior client. The CEO began to sense problems with his VP of Operations. To the CEO, this once highly effective and energetic executive now appeared unmotivated, disillusioned, and apathetic. Because the CEO couldn't get him to open up, he decided to give him an outside resource. This is when Linda was invited in to coach him, and with the VP's consent, they went to work. During the first session, a huge issue showed up. A conflict had begun to grow inside him around the direction, leadership, and values of the company, and for some time, he felt that his only solution was to leave. But he feared his wife's reaction to this, so he withheld his concerns from her. As his coach, Linda advised him to be open with his wife. This was a key action because unbeknownst to him, while he was withholding his concerns at home, she sensed something was wrong and her mind went wild with speculation. Once she learned what was really happening, she was relieved and very supportive of him. Besides receiving support that he didn't have before, this freed him to look at the situation differently. Within 3 weeks, he was reengaged and anticipating the work environment. Everyone around him noticed a difference and reengaged with him as well. Another issue revolved around vacation, or the lack thereof -- he hadn't had one in two years. And when he did take vacations, he was in constant contact with his office via e-mail and telephone. So Linda had him set aggressive goals around disconnecting from the company while gone. She worked with him to implement a system to cover all bases so that he could be totally present with family. It took over a month to set this up. He started offloading what he could in advance. He informed key players and made his expectations very clear. He also designed his absence with the goal of assuring that a great deal of value would be added while he was gone. While many executives may fear that empowering others while absent may put their value in question, this scenario can actually work to everyone's advantage. The VP was actually able to expand his area of influence. When he returned, he found that in many areas, he wasn't needed as much. This freed him to step into higher areas of leadership. By empowering others to do his job, he was empowered. This is real leadership! And this was just the beginning. Because of her results with this client, Linda was retained to coach the executive team for months to follow. In closing, she offers a few insights for executives seeking life balance: - Work is part of you. Embrace it so you can let go and live in the present. This may require that you share work issues with your support system, partner, or trusted friends. Share what's sharable, being clear about confidentiality. - When you recognize that you need to be needed, realize that others need to be needed, too, and that you may actually be needed in higher places. - Vacations can be rejuvenating and productive. Considering that your unconscious works while you don't, new strategic perspectives can emerge when you step away from your work, hence you can contribute to your organization at a different level when you leave it for awhile. ~ ~ ~ Linda owns Interlink Training and Coaching LLC and was the founding president of Corporate Coaches Inc., a coaching services company affiliated with CoachInc.com. In her spare time Linda loves to golf with her husband. Linda can be contacted at 425-503-3453 or Linda@interlinktc.com. You can also visit her website at www.interlinktc.com. ------------------------------------ 5. Balancing Work and Life: Redefining Success at Midlife by Gene Glatter By the time I turned 40, my view of corporate life had become tainted. I was a Vice President in the technology sector of a global banking institution, highly regarded by associates, and handsomely compensated. I traveled the world. Everyone thought I had it all. I looked like the picture of success. But on the inside, I wasn't happy. During the corporate years, I had become increasingly dissatisfied with the quality of my life, which had been dedicated to the corporate gods. In the process I had back-burnered everything else that was important to me. Around the age of 40, a raging voice inside showed up -- screaming to be heard. It wouldn't be silenced until I made the changes that reflected my truest values. Ironically, as I changed my profession to Career Management and Executive Coaching, I found that many of my mid-life clients shared similar experiences. Although men frequently hear this "raging inner voice," nowhere is this phenomenon more common than among executive women. Consider their history. In the 70s, huge numbers of female baby boomers graduated from college to embark upon professional careers. Without mentor or predecessor, they raided the corporate arena -- refusing to aspire to anything less than their male counterparts. And why wouldn't they? Hadn't they always been good students? Was there anything in the corporate arena that they couldn't do as well as men? Of course not! So, they rolled up their sleeves and gave it their all. They worked evenings and weekends. They may or may not have taken the time to get married or have children. If they had children, they hired daycare workers and nannies to raise them. Some spent so little time at home that their marriages ended in divorce. But they certainly were successful at climbing the corporate ladder and the world was their oyster. Or was it? Flash forward to the year 2000. How are these women faring today? By their own description, "not so well." I'm about to make some blanket statements about the status of professional baby boomer-aged females: - Their sense of meaning and purpose is drifting. They no longer feel passionate about their jobs and long to rediscover this lost passion in some aspect of their lives. - They long for more quality time with their loved ones and alone with themselves - Fun and joy are blurs from a distant past or entirely invisible. When they are able to imagine such things, they dream of gardening, beautiful homes, time alone in nature. - They wonder to themselves, "Is this all there is to life?" - They are exhausted by their efforts to please others and, in doing so, neglecting their own best interests. - Their health has begun to suffer and their waists have expanded more than they would like, often the result of eating on the run and making no time for exercise. They are stressed to the max and exhausted by their seemingly endless responsibilities. By mid-life, many very successful female executives are leaving their corporate jobs. Many of them are starting their own successful businesses particularly in the consulting arena. The reasons for this exodus are many, but the singular most significant driving force is their desire for time. Time to live life on purpose. No longer driven by title or income, the executive woman at mid-life sees her own mortality and comes to redefine success as a mix of meaningful work, pleasurable experiences, spiritual connection, physical and emotional health, thriving relationships, and financial security. It's not an easy transition, but it represents a trend that promises to grow well into the 21st century among men and women. ~ ~ ~ Gene Glatter is a Career Management and Executive Coach specializing in issues of work/life balance. She can be reached at geneglatter@att.net or 732-933-1918. ------------------------------------ 6. Balancing Who You Are and What You Do by Susan Race Susan Race, a professional coach, suggests that we stop talking about balancing work and life as if they are unrelated parts of our existence. Looking at it this way creates confusion and frustration. In reality, our work - what we do - is part of our life. It helps us address our many needs based on Maslow's hierarchy, and provides the means to support the type of life we want. ~ ~ ~ Are you afraid that pursuing your dreams will leave you penniless? That's a self-limiting belief. To balance the time that you devote to your personal and professional life, determine your passion and commit to earning your livelihood doing something that you love. People who do what they love are far more successful than people who just work to earn a paycheck. Marcia Sinetar's best selling books, "Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow," and "To Build the Life You Want, Create the Work You Love" tell the success stories of people who finally followed their passion and realized success they never dreamed of. What other self-limiting beliefs are preventing you from allocating time to both your personal and professional life to achieve balance? Are you ruling your actions by "shoulds," "oughts," and "have tos?" Learn to replace these words with "want," "choose," and "prefer." Allow yourself the right to have fun. When was the last time you had REAL fun? You'll be amazed at the relief and solace that it brings you. In order to rekindle some of the special relationships in my life and rediscover fun, I volunteer to babysit for my nephews, aged 10 and 8. When people tell me that I am crazy and in for a rough time, I simply tell them how much I'm looking forward to these times and anticipate great joy. I have more fun than I originally imagine and play in ways that I haven't in years. In one day alone, we swam, saw a funny movie, went bowling, ate great Mexican and Chinese food, played scrabble, and just spent quality time together. While with the boys, I neither think nor care about work sitting on my desk or all the other things that others think I 'should' be doing in my home and office. Congratulations to those of you for whom this type of weekend is normal! For those of you who, like me, devote most of your time to work, realize how important it is to carve out time for your friends and family. Relationships, whether with yourself or others, requires you to be fully present, not just through e-mails and telephone calls. ~ ~ ~ Susan Race is the President of Personal Growth Systems. You may contact her at 215-493-3325 or visit her website at personalgrowthsystems.com. Susan says: If you're ready to find balance in and appreciate your life, commit to yourself to clarify all facets of your life and develop the self - discipline to pursue them fully, with gusto, I know you can do this and would love to hear your success stories. ------------------------------------ 7. What is Work/Home Balance, Anyway? And How Do I Get It? by Sandi Epstein Balance is experienced differently by everyone and can be identified with the feeling that: - You have enough time for family and work. - Life "flows" and feels relatively effortless. - When something in your life breaks down (babysitter gets sick, the car breaks) you have the resources to cope. - You are on the path you want to be on both personally and professionally. Some characteristics of balance are: - It is dynamic. It comes and goes as things change in life. - It has to be worked at. Seeking balance can be stimulating and a true learning experience about what is important to you. How do you get balance? There are many components to finding balance, many that you know consciously and unconsciously. Here are my "top ten" components to finding balance. Add your own and put this list in the back of your mind to help guide you in this difficult process. 1. Recognize that balancing roles as mother and businessperson is truly work in itself, and deserves appreciation (a pat on the back). 2. Take time to think about balance and how to get it this week. 3. Apply your best analytical and creative thinking to problem solve this task. 4. Remember yourself, your needs, your wants, your happiness - this is the ultimate barometer of balance. 5. Have faith there is a way -- don't put barriers in front of possibilities, you can make it work. 6. Flexibility is important -- what works this week may be out of whack next week -- stay open to new solutions. 7. Know the signs of imbalance, including resentment, fatigue, overwhelm, depression, unhappy family members, and dissatisfaction with work. 8. Revisit your core values and live them, know what is most important to you today. 9. Remove or delegate the things that interfere with the important stuff. 10. Find the joy in the process. ~ ~ ~ Sandi is a professional coach helping people to achieve their best in life. She may be contacted at SLSE123@aol.com. ------------------------------------ 8. Today's Technology... Today! by Butch Farley A joint NASA-Air Force project proposes to launch a "lightcraft" into space by 2025. Carrying 12 people the vehicle would rely on Earth-based lasers for propulsion. And, this isn't science fiction. Tests conducted at White Sands Missile Range have lofted a small prototype almost 100 feet off the ground. ------------------------------------ 9. Calendar of Events Coaching Skills Weekends Austin, Texas: September 15 - 16 Albuquerque, New Mexico: November 17 - 18 Irresistible Attraction Workshops Phoenix, Arizona: September 29 - 30 Minneapolis, Minnesota: October 6 - 7 Raleigh, North Carolina: November 3 - 4 Millennium Coaching Tour Dates: Copenhagen, Denmark September 11 Dublin, Ireland September 9 Frankfurt, Germany September 13 London, England September 6 Manchester, England September 8 Paris, France September 16 Stockholm, Sweden September 12 Vienna, Austria September 14 Zurich, Switzerland September 15 The event runs from 7pm-10pm in each city. Social/networking starts at 630pm. All are welcome! Register via register@coachingtour.com 1-905-989-0791 or http://www.coachingtour.com/register.html CoachU Q&A Join CoachU President Sandy Vilas For a Q & A Session About Coaching and CoachU. Visit http://www.coachu.com/qasessions.htm for more details. ------------------------------------ 10. E-mail the Editor with your comments and suggestions. steve@coachu.com Subscribe or unsubscribe at: http://todayscoach.com/ Thank you!