Today's Coach | Subscribe | Unsubscribe | 23,360 subscribers | coachville.com | GSC | archives | advertising

 




Last chance to save US $895...

 




 





Last chance to save US $895...

 

   

Monday, April 29, 2002 

Do you have a client who is just plain negative? Or, perhaps a client who gets into negative cycles from time to time.  Today's article from the How to Coach Anyone eCourse from CoachVille addresses just how you as a coach can work with a negative client.  I hope you enjoy it.

Also in today's issue is a reminder that Tuesday is the last day to join the Graduate School of Coaching at the early bird tuition of $895. Tuition rises to $1795 on May 1, 2002. 

As always, your suggestions for topics are welcome.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Happy Reading,

Andrea Lee
GM, CoachVille
 

   
 




Lesson #43
How do you coach a client who is just plain negative about life?




This, from a coach...

Hi Thomas: 

"I've got a client who is just negative and cynical about life. Frustrated and bummed out.  Just can't see what people see in life.  Is he depressed or just having a bad year? We've talked about it some but I can't get him to see the better side of life. He's making ME depressed now.  Help!"

 Some ideas...

You are asking some of the right questions.  And let me add a couple of more to ask your client, because getting to the source/cause of this way of relating to the world can obviously get in the way of coaching, achievement, happiness, etc. (duh)

Below are some questions that I would ask, but I would ask them in the Navigates via Curiosity mode (on of the 15 proficiencies) not in the interrogation mode where you're coming from looking for information to fix/change/brighten the client up.  In my experienced, there is ALWAYS a simple explanation for why a person is negative or cynical.  And, often, when the person gets to the root cause, they lighten up, sometimes quite quickly.

But as I just mentioned, do come into this via clean curiosity vs trying to make them a Positive Pat.  Come to enjoy their being a Negative Ned.  Some people just are and will never change.  It doesn't mean that you can't coach them well or even enjoy them.  (This because it's your reaction to their negativity that's the culprit, not what they are being negative about.)

 Things to say/Questions to ask
 Are you aware that you're coming across as fairly negative?
 I'm a little curious.  Why the cynicism?
 How you always been this bitter? 
 What's going on that has you be that way?
 How interested are you in being a very, very positive person from this point forward?
 Have you given up on something?
 Were you seriously wronged and have not yet recovered?
 I'm okay with negative attitude thing.  I'm just curious if you are?
 Is your attitude something you would like to focus on/change?
 Is your cynicism something you would like to focus on/change?
 Is your outlook something you would like to focus on/change?
 I'm not an MD, but could it be that you are clinically depressed?


 What causes "negativity?"
The source of negativity can be any number of things.  There are several ideas.  Legally/ethically, some of these sources call for the work of a psychologist or MD; others do not.  I include all of these here to give you a broader perspective. They are not in any particular order.

 Upbringing/Family Culture
The dynamic of some families is negative/cynical; the child, no adult, has been steeped in this environment for so long that they consider it to be normal/natural and even 'healthy.'

 Circle of Friends/Colleagues
We take on the thinking/communication style of the friends/colleagues that we hang out with a lot.  It can be a slippery slope, given the richness of the bonding process is so seductive when it's 'us vs them' attitudes that cliques can adopt.

 Discrimination/Rejection
We are all discriminated against; it is what we humans tend to do to each other as we socialize and define ourselves.  Age, race, looks, gender, education level, intelligence level, ZIPCODE/Postal Code, bank account, clothing.

 Extreme Disappointment
Who hasn't been extremely disappointed in something, themselves or someone else?  Some folks internalize this disappointment; others move through it and recover their willingness to live well.

 SuperSensitivity
Between 5 and 10% of the population are super sensitive meaning that they don't have the natural protection against their environments, energy, people, events.  So that when something bad happens, their mind, body, heart and spirit take it pretty hard 

 Powerlessness
When you don't feel that you have the power to protect yourself, to affect a situation, be yourself or get out of a situation, the tendency is to 'communicate/act' by being critical of everything around you.  Those feelings of frustration/powerlessness have to get out of your system somehow (think volcano).

 Ignorance//Lack of Awareness
When you don't know that there is a solution to your problem, or you have no way to frame or contextualize an upsetting/frustrating situation, then negativity is pretty certain to follow.

 Lack of Opportunity/Financial Repression
When you can't get access to the opportunities that you see others able to find, access and benefit from, who wouldn't be negative?  If you're working 2 jobs at $7 an hour and can't buy a house, who wouldn't be negative?  It's completely natural.

 Depression/Anxiety and Other Conditions
The source of these are chemical imbalances, dietary, lifestyle or psychological.  I include this here as a reminder to have several therapists and MDs in your network to make sure that your clients are given all of their options if they can't seem to shift their negativity.

 Fear of Consequence
Sometimes, negativity is a front for fear.

 Weak Personal Foundation
If you are being put upon (weak boundaries), aren't doing your best work/life (low standards), are the tail of the dog of life (inadequate reserves) or have a life that's cluttered with unfinished business or physical disarray, it's pretty likely that you'll take a negative stance about life.

 Inadequate Integrity Level
If you are not doing what's best/right for you (either because you cannot given the circumstances, or cannot given your state of thinking/perception), the tendency is to point the finger elsewhere and not to take responsibility for where you are at.

 Nothing More Compelling To Do
Hey, being negative can be a lot of fun!  Look for the little 'smile' or smirk in someone's face when they are complaining or criticizing.  It's there; negativity and complaining are sources of entertainment for a LOT of folks.


 So, what can the coach do about "negativity?"
Several things, actually...

1.  Find out if it is something that the client wants to work on.  

2.  Make sure you are aware of the depth of your reactions to your client's negativity.  Some coaches can't 'handle negativity,' and they attempt to try to make the client more positive, without the client's buy in.  Which makes the client even more negative.  (Hmm.)  If you cannot handle negativity, just let your client know.  

3.  Consider expanding your ability to be with negativity (as you experience it anyway) so that you can work easily with all types of clients.


I hope that this was helpful.

Thomas
thomas@thomasleonard.com 


copyright 2002 by coachville.com.  written by thomas j. leonard.  all rights reserved. distribution welcome when attribution is intact.


 
Last chance to enter the Graduate School of Coaching for only $895.  (Save 50% if you act by Tuesday, April 30, 2002.)

All 3 programs are included in a single tuition.
Special early adopter tuition:
Lifetime tuition and license rights are only US$895 for CoachVille members until April 30, 2002. (Add $79 if not yet a CoachVille member.) On May 1, 2002, they increase to US$1795 and on January 1, 2003, to $2495. |  details
Refund policy:  100% lifetime, no questions asked.  It's just how we do business.  We value your partnership and guarantee your satisfaction.

View the list of what's included below and/or visit http://www.graduateschoolofcoaching.com for complete details.
  The Graduate School of Coaching Curriculum
36 hours of live training via TeleClass including coaching proficiencies, communication style training, frameworks, advanced coaching skills, leadership proficiencies, situational solutions, environmental design, life design training and 'edge' training.

Exclusively available for GSC'ers.
more
  Graduate School of Corporate Coaching 
This RealAudio and web-based curriculum launches January 3, 2003, and is included in your GSC tuition.  
Exclusively available for GSC'ers.
more
from a coach in the gsc....

I want to be one of the best coaches out there...
I joined GSC because the quality of everything that CoachVille does always delivers much more value than the cost.  I love being involved with cutting edge/creative projects.  The training I receive, opportunity to serve as a mentor coach, and program licenses will allow me to be one of the best coaches out there!
Ann Ronan, Ph.D.
   |   www.authenticlifeinstitute.com 
909-941-0426    Certified Career Coach

more testimonials here
  Access to/use of 1,000 3-Step Training Modules
You may use these MicroModules supplement your coaching (giving clients something to focus on between sessions) and/or use them to conduct workshops or presentations on many aspects of life and business including self discovery/assessment, business strategy, leadership, personal development, marketing and more.  Many of the MicroModules include a lifetime teaching license as well.

Exclusively available for GSC'ers.
more
  Specialty training to become a Certified Mentor Coach
Interested in coaching or mentoring newer coaches?  Then this 20-hour live (or RealAudio, if you prefer) training by TeleClass is exactly what you'll need to provide your mentees with the tools and training they will need.
Exclusively available for GSC'ers.
more
from a coach in the gsc....

I want my coach training to be leading edge...
I joined the GSC because after I graduated from another school, I wanted to make sure that my coach training was still leading edge. I was a founding member of CoachVille and I highly value the constant tweaking of programs and learning. I know the GSC will continue to deliver this.  I have previously been the recipient of great coaching insight, I knew that the graduate school would continue this great insight, so it made sense to join especially in view of a price increase.
Carlton SooHoo

Coach Carlton  Carlton@coachcarlton.com 
more testimonials here
  CD's with 100+ hours of RealAudio training/materials
During 2002/2003, you will receive 4 CD's (one per quarter) which contains the RealAudio and text versions of the MicroModules, GSC Training, specialty trainings and more on a convenient CD format
Exclusively available for GSC'ers.
more
  Practice Development/Marketing Tools and eCourses
You receive 5 free listings in the new Coaching Mall, the full Practice 90 day step by step program, the Passive Revenue eCourse, the Winning Website for Coaches live TeleClass/Webtour, premium placement for your listing at CoachVilleReferral.com,  and up to 5 RealAudio greetings for your website(s).
more
  14 Client Coaching Programs w/ teaching licenses
These are awesome!  You can take the RealAudio/web version yourself and also teach these to groups, royalty-free!
more
  eCourse Rebroadcast Rights 
You receive rights to rebroadcast several of our ecourses including Certified Cyber, Absence Of, Perfect Life and others.
more
  Cool Stuff
Every GSC'er is shipped a Coach Cap and Coach lapel pin upon entering the GSC
more
  $100 Discount to selected CoachVille Conference and Intensives
Includes the Toronto September 2002 conference as well as any of the Mentor Coach Intensives being held this fall 2002.
Exclusively available for GSC'ers.
more
from a coach in the gsc....

I know I'll get a huge return on my investment...
About 5 years ago, I stumbled across Thomas Leonard's website. Part of that site was a single web page that listed all the projects he was developing at that time-about 100 of them. I was tired just reading through all his ideas, but also fascinated. How could one person generate so much interesting information? After years of watching the development of his programs and benefiting from his generous sharing of methods and experience, I'm still amazed at his ability to generate cutting-edge, provocative, and highly marketable information. Joining the GSC was really a no-brainer. Based on past experience I know I'll get a huge return on my investment. Note: I'm not a Thomas Leonard ""groupie."" I haven't been trained by Coach U. And I don't agree with everything he does or says. But the man is a coaching and marketing genius. His ability to offer loads of useful coach training and information at bargain prices is what makes participating in the GSC a no-brainer--especially at the current pre-launch price.
Ken Kesslin

President, Kesslin Associates Inc., Success Coaching & Training 
ken@kesslin.com
| www.kesslin.com | 212.865.2999

more testimonials here
  Specialty certifications
You receive access to the web/RealAudio versions of the Certified Strategist, Certified Critical Eye, Certified 5Day TeleClass Leader Programs.
more info coming
  Best Practices Database
This database rolls out in December 2002.
Exclusively available for GSC'ers.
from a coach in the gsc....

My clients and my practice will benefit...
 
As a Business Results Coach, I joined the Graduate School of Coaching (at the 'early adopter' rate of $895) because I have already experienced the high quality of coaching materials and support as a CoachVille member, buddy coach and a study group host. The flexibility and variety of technology supported learning and "doing" options make sense to me.  My clients and my practice will benefit from my opportunity to use and contribute to the development of advanced coaching materials (skill and competency modules, Business and Corporate situational training, best practices database and quick score tools).  The invitation to have fresh content, advanced curriculum, intellectual stimulation and better coaching fit my commitment to be the best possible coach I can be and my passion for learning.  While it will take months to achieve the full Certified Coach and Certified Mentor Coach designations, I know I will be able to immediately apply the learnings with clients and increase the value of my practice.
Franne McNeal

215-552-8719
 |  frannemcneal@hrenergy.com 

more testimonials here

join the gsc

Visit http://www.graduateschoolofcoaching.com